Most Goal Setting Methods Suck

Don't blame us for the title of this newsletter. The idea came from a book On Purpose Adventures' owner, Ben-Jamin Toy, recently read.

Today, he would like to share some lessons from his recent read, The Love Code by Alexander Loyd. He listened to this book on audio which he highly recommends. Click here to download on Audible.

In the book, the author discusses the limitations of traditional self-help methods. He instead flips the self-help industry on its head, encouraging the opposite of traditional goal systems that are will power based. Readers are encouraged to shift perspectives in order to radically transform.

This idea aligns closely with the "Gap and Gain" mindset by Dr. Ben Hardy and Dan Sullivan, which emphasizes recognizing and appreciating progress rather than fixating on what's lacking.

This concept resonates with me personally, as most goal setting approaches focus on constantly striving for more, often at the expense of contentment. Contentment is a cornerstone of happiness. If we are never satisfied with our present circumstances, we risk never experiencing happiness during our journey.

The Gap and Gain Mindset reinforces these ideas by encouraging people to measure their progress (the Gain) instead of their distance from the ultimate goal (the Gap). This leads to increased contentment and happiness by appreciating where they are and what they have accomplished.

Love, not willpower, is the key to transformation.

Love and energy play a crucial role in healing and personal transformation. Traditional self-help methods rely heavily on willpower and fear-based strategies; however, these approaches are often ineffective. Instead, true change and fulfillment come from living in alignment with love.

Stress stems from deeper emotional roots like fear and lack of love, leading to various physical and mental health problems. It's imperative to address the root cause of stress to find a lasting solution. According to Dr. Dan Gilbert, "expectations are a happiness killer." Focusing on end results can create chronic stress, leading to both mental and physical health issues. This stress impedes our ability to succeed and be content, making it crucial to shift our focus from outcomes to processes driven by love.

Fear-based living hinders personal growth and happiness.

Loyd identifies fear as a fundamental emotion that underpins much of the stress and negativity in people's lives. It manifests in various forms, such as anxiety, insecurity, and chronic worry.

Fear often stems from past traumatic experiences, negative conditioning, and deeply ingrained beliefs that create a barrier to experiencing love and joy.

How Fear Hinders Personal Growth

1. Paralysis and Inaction: Fear can lead to paralysis, where individuals are unable to take necessary actions to improve their lives. This paralysis results from an overwhelming sense of danger or failure, preventing people from pursuing opportunities and making positive changes.
2. Limiting Beliefs: Fear fosters limiting beliefs about oneself and the world. These beliefs restrict potential, create self-doubt, and convince individuals that they are incapable of achieving their goals or deserving of happiness.
3. Avoidance Behavior: People living in fear often engage in avoidance behaviors to protect themselves from perceived threats. This can mean avoiding challenges, new experiences, and relationships, thereby missing out on growth opportunities.

Fear's Impact on Happiness

1. Emotional Distress: Persistent fear generates ongoing emotional distress, leading to feelings of unhappiness, sadness, and discontent. It triggers the body's stress response, which can also result in physical health issues.
2. Strained Relationships: Fear impacts how individuals relate to others. It can cause mistrust, jealousy, and conflicts in relationships, making it difficult to form healthy, loving connections. Fear-based behavior can push loved ones away, leading to loneliness and isolation.
3. Preoccupation with Control: A key characteristic of fear-based living is the need to control one's environment and outcomes. This constant need for control can be exhausting and ultimately futile, leading to frustration and dissatisfaction when things inevitably don't go as planned.

Every destructive feeling we experience is based in fear.

By identifying and transforming fear into love through practical techniques, individuals can unlock their potential, improve their relationships, and lead a more joyful and fulfilling life.

Transforming fear with The Love Code begins with awareness and identification. The first step in overcoming fear is to become aware of it and identify its sources. Loyd encourages readers to reflect on their fears and understand how these fears manifest in their thoughts and actions. The Love Code involves reprogramming the negative beliefs that underpin fear. Through exercises such as visualization, affirmations, and meditative practices, individuals can replace fear-based thoughts with love-based ones. Through practice individuals can cultivate a sense of love and trust in themselves and the universe. This shift in perspective helps dissolve fear, making room for personal growth and genuine happiness. Loyd provides practical exercises to help readers transform their fears into positive energy. These exercises include mindfulness techniques, journaling, and specific daily practices designed to reinforce love and reduce fear.

As fear diminishes, individuals gain confidence in their abilities and decisions. This newfound confidence encourages them to take risks, embrace new opportunities, and pursue their dreams. Reducing fear leads to healthier, more trusting relationships. Individuals are more open, empathetic, and able to connect deeply with others, enhancing their social and emotional well-being. Overcoming fear allows individuals to experience life more fully and joyfully. They become more present, grateful, and content, leading to a sustained sense of happiness and fulfillment.

The Blueprint for Failure

Why do most self-help approaches fail? Due to the typical three-step "blueprint for failure". This model, commonly used in the self-help industry, has a staggering 97% failure rate:

1. Focus on what you want.
2. Figure out a plan to get there.
3. Put the plan into action.

The first two steps are centered around setting and achieving specific end goals. However, Dr. Dan Gilbert, a psychology professor at Harvard and the bestselling author of Stumbling on Happiness, has concluded through extensive research that "expectations are a happiness killer." His studies reveal that placing our happiness on future outcomes tied to specific life circumstances creates a detrimental effect.

This is problematic because expectations of future results don't just dampen our happiness—they also negatively impact our health and reduce our chances of success. Anticipating a future outcome places us in a perpetual state of stress until the desired result is either achieved or not. This chronic stress undermines both our mental well-being and our ability to succeed in various endeavors.

Incorporating the principles from The Love Code can lead to profound changes in our lives. By transforming fear into love, we can unlock our true potential, build stronger relationships, and achieve a deeper sense of happiness and fulfillment. Embracing love as a guiding force not only helps us navigate personal challenges but also fosters a more compassionate and connected world.

We encourage you to explore these concepts further and see the transformative power they can have in your own life.

Thank you for reading, and we look forward to sharing more insights with you in future newsletters. Click here to subscribe to Leading On Purpose so you never miss a newsletter!

For more on this topic, check out these blog posts:

• The Power of Enthusiasm
• All Leaders are Readers
• Are You Ripening or Rotting?